Most people would throw a fit if they knew that their partner was in daily contact with their ex, it's something I, and every other stepparent, has to accept and live with.
I know my partner only contacts his ex about his kids, however, that doesn't always make it any easier to accept. She is still there. Not gone like an ex should be, relegated to the back of the mind in the "well that was a mistake" drawer and forgotten about. Never mind brought along into the next relationship.
As a stepparent you also probably have to meet and at least be civil to your partners ex, although you'd probably rather punch them in the mouth. I know some stepparents who have never met their partners ex, but that's not me and I actually think that would be worse. At least I know who she is and she knows me so there are no stories passing between the houses via the kids, no backstabbing or wondering or getting the kids to ask questions to get the measure of each other.
I actually get on ok with her, which is weird, we should hate each other. right? This year she actually text me on Mothers Day with "Happy Mothers Day, thanks for doing such a good job with the kids when I'm not there" That was definitely weird, but kind of in a nice weird way. At least she recognises that I'm doing my best for her kids even though I sometimes feel that she see's me as free childcare. We also text each other about arrangements for the kids and if there are any issues, missing shoes, nits, homework. I do it because it makes my life easier, I like to be organised and know what is going on in my own home and what to expect when the kids arrive.
Sometimes however it goes to far, like when she rang me, drunk, when my partner was in hospital and talked about us all being one big happy clappy family. That's not going to happen. Ex's are only present in a stepparent's life because of the kids, nothing more. As the kids become adults I expect her presence in my life to diminish, although I appreciate that she will always be there even if just on the edge.
In my ideal world, she wouldn't be there at all, no ex would be. Apart from to laugh about and wonder if you were actually mentally deranged during that period of your life.
So although you may hate or be jealous of your partners ex, just be thankful that you don't actually have to know them, speak to them or make small talk with them. By all means carry on facebook stalking them for your own entertainment but be thankful they're not actually part of your life.
Z x
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