Love, it's a funny thing and something which is supposedly unconditional when it comes to your children, but what if the children aren't yours?
As I said in my last post, I told my other half right from the start that I would try and treat his kids as if they were my own. Did I mean love them as if they were my own too? I don't know. I do treat them in every other way as if they were my own, as much as I can.
Sometimes it all just gets too much and I have to escape and find some time for myself. At these times I try to remind myself that every biological parent feels like this at points, I shouldn't be telling myself to do better than them! Think about it, do your kids piss you off sometimes? Yes? Well guess what sometimes my stepkids piss me off too, surely that's no surprise.
But do I love them?
Yes, I do.
Do I love them as my own?
How on earth would I know that? I don't have any of my own to compare the feeling against. So I can only go with my heart (I always follow it) and say. No. But then again, how can I? They're not my own. Sometimes they do something that reminds me of me when I was a kid and I have to remind myself that they can't be like me. They're not part of me.
This doesn't mean I can float through this minefield of stepparenthood on a cloud of love and rose tinted glasses? No. I don't have those, they are reserved for biological parents, not stepparents. I struggle instead and try to tread the fine line and some days I want to scream and run away.
But on the whole, on a good day, I love them, actually.
Z x
